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Zoom Announces New Filter That Makes You Look Like A Dude
Breaking: In response to demand from thousands of corporate employees now working from home, Zoom executives announced Monday they are releasing a new filter that makes you look like a dude.
Aspects of the filter include adding breadth to the shoulders, a more pronounced Adam’s Apple, and even a voice distortion that drops the speaker’s tone several octaves.
“It’s amazing,” says Tom Lane, one of the developers of the filter. “Ever since we introduced the app on our team, all the women have starting making really great points.”
“The ladies here at Zoom are finally leaning in like I’ve been telling them to,” said Vice President Bill Worth. “Before, they came across as kind of bossy, you know? Now they’re showing real leadership.”
Early reviews of the new filter have been overwhelmingly positive. “Before, the guys from sales would just talk over me, or repeat the exact same thing I said,” said Tamara Coleman, a social media manager from Ohio. “Now, I don’t even have to have a point - I just say things like ‘it’s all finding about that balance!’ and everyone thinks I’m a genius.”
Ashley Ingle, a financial advisor from California, also noticed improvements in her work life after downloading the filter. “I have young kids, which means I sometimes have to duck out of meetings early to care for them. A couple months ago my boss told me I needed to show more commitment to the role if I ever wanted to get promoted,” she said. “But ever since we went into lockdown and I started using the filter, he’s been totally cool about it! I was thirty minutes late to a presentation yesterday and he sent a beer to my house and gave me a raise.
“He actually called me last night and told me I’m a great father to my sons, and he wishes his dad had given him that kind of attention when he was a kid,” Ingle continued. “I don’t think he even remembers that I’m a woman.”
At press time, Zoom developers were still at work on additional features for the filter, including a simulated five o’clock shadow and optional beer cozy.