Class Participation

Share this post

Why cantaloupe is the worst fruit

classparticipation.substack.com

Discover more from Class Participation

a reliably adequate comedy newsletter
Continue reading
Sign in

Why cantaloupe is the worst fruit

know the facts, stay safe

Liz
May 28, 2019
8
Share this post

Why cantaloupe is the worst fruit

classparticipation.substack.com
Share
  1. Studies show, “you just put it in a fruit salad and hope for the best"

  2. Not even sweet, really

  3. Probably poisonous

  4. There are so many good fruits, why are you wasting your life

  5. “Hard to spell”— Catnalope Weekly

  6. Try one of these other, easy-to-spell fruits:

    • apple

    • melon

    • blueberries

    • cheetos

    • grapes

  7. Researchers say, “it looks too much like squash, and squash is the cantaloupe of the vegetable world”

  8. 60% of cantaloupe eaters say “the seeds” made them uncomfortable

  9. 100% of cantaloupe eaters die

  10. It is literally impossible to spell cattaloupe

  11. If you can spell catalope without looking I will give you my first born

  12. Catnalope

  13. Cantalarp

  14. “It’s the uncooked potato of the fruit world”- resident cantalupe expert

  15. Scientists do say cantaloupe is safe to consume in the following forms:

    • with a f*ckton of honey on it

    • in a smoothie if the smoothie is mostly made of not cantaloupe

    • it’s the only vegan thing at this work event

  16. Finally, beware the agents of cantaloupe”

    • '“I actually like cantaloupe”

    • “I think it tastes good”

    • “Stop asking me about cantaloupe”

    • “Why are you like this?”

    • Know the signs!!

    Remember, it’s CANT-a-loupe, not CAN-a-loupe!

8
Share this post

Why cantaloupe is the worst fruit

classparticipation.substack.com
Share
Comments
Top
New
Community

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 Elizabeth Royer
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing