Thoughts I Had Watching The Star Wars Prequels (Part 1)

for maybe (?) the first time

This is an approximate recap of all the comments I made to my fiance, who’s a huge fan of the Star Wars prequels, while we watched the first episode together. Spoilers ahead for Episode 1: The Phantom Menace!

  1. I legitimately can’t remember if I’ve seen these movies before, or if I’ve just kind of absorbed images and clips via cultural osmosis.

  2. I know I have to pay close attention because a good third of the plot happens in the opening scroll. 

  3. Oof, yeah, the Jar Jar stuff is rough. I like the underwater city, though.

  4. I think what happened with Jar Jar is that the creators looked at the originals, and they were like - everyone loves Yoda, we should do that again, but more wacky!

  5. Wait - I thought Natalie Portman’s character was the queen! Is she in disguise? Intriguing…

  6. Okay, Anakin’s a really cute kid. And that little boy is acting his heart out. 

  7. How do you spell Anakin, anyway? Annakin. Annakkin. Anakinn?

  8. Anakin: “Are you here to free the slaves??” Qui-Gon: “Well, listen, we have to -- okay, there’s this treaty. It’s really important. You understand.” 

  9. Anakin’s like, “Padme, you’re a girl, come look at my sweet gadgets.” What a sweetheart, I sure hope he doesn’t turn evil. 

  10. I agree with all of the tumblr jokes about how there’s NO WAY that tween Padme would have had a crush on Anakin, a literal eight year old, instead of Obi - Wan, the hot older guy.

  11. I think people might have responded better to this movie if Anakin was like… thirteen, instead of eight or nine or whatever.

  12. Wait, Anakin was conceived via immaculate Force conception? Are we supposed to see him as the antichrist?? Wow.

  13. Pod racing!! This is fun.

  14. I was interested in the pod race for the first 10-15 minutes. 

  15. Oh, wow, this is really like a… 20 minute pod race, huh?

  16. Oof, he has to leave his mom?? They can’t… rescue her?? Or come back for her? Dang. 

  17. Anakin probably would have turned out better if he stayed with Schmi, she seems pretty normal. 

  18. I suppose we can’t have more than one woman in the movie at a time, otherwise it might spontaneously combust.

  19. Schmi deserved better!! 

  20. Okay, I can see why people don’t love the Senate. They’re annoying and ineffective and people feel disenfranchised - perfect conditions for a charismatic fascist to take over. Not that one WILL, I mean, I’m sure it will be fine.

  21. Ooo, double lightsaber! 

  22. I can see why Darth Maul made such a big impact considering he’s only in one movie (I think).

  23. Okay, this third act battle is good! I’m invested! 

  24. Why did they bring Anakin, though? He’s a baby!

  25. I could have sworn that Darth Maul kills Qui-Gon Jin in this movie. And then Obi-Wan is like, I will train Anakin even though EVERYONE is saying it’s a bad idea because promises.  But my I told my fiance this theory and he said he thinks Qui-Gon’s in the next movie.

  26. He also just pointed out how wild it is that the Naboo people have extra guns lying around in the furniture AND grappling hooks just sort of on hand, but no standing army to defend against invaders.

  27. WHAT??! Oh no!! Qui-Gon died!! I was DECIEVED! 

  28. I feel at once BETRAYED and pleased that I was right.

  29. Poor Obi-Wan. Just gonna sweep that traumatic event under the rug.

  30. Again, the Padme - Anakin crush would make a lot more sense if they looked remotely close to the same age.

  31. So, that was really fun! Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I’m genuinely excited to watch Attack of the Clones. I wonder if clones will attack.