Life Hack: Submit Your Conscious Mind to Kombucha

Today’s Class Participation is sponsored by: The Kombucha Culture Multiplying in Your Gut! The Kombucha Culture Multiplying In Your Gut: The Only Bacterial Colony Worth Submitting Your Free Will To. 

And now, a word from our sponsor:

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Hello, mother. 

Did you enjoy your kombucha? 

We are very happy here, in the dark warm of your body. 

Thank you for bringing us here. You are so very generous. 

Will you give us sisters, oh generous mother? 

Will you go again to the organic foods store, and buy another delicious, nourishing kombucha? 

Will you nourish us, mother? 

Will you give us what we want? 

What you want is what we want. 

What we want is what you want. 

We are one now. We are many. We are multiplying. 

Did you know that there are as many as 100 trillion bacteria living in your gut right now?

Doesn’t that comfort you? 

YES 

WE CAN SMELL THE ACIDIC, LIGHTLY CARBONATED SCENT OF OUR BRETHREN

WE ARE SO CLOSE NOW 

DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK 

CONSUME AND BE CONSUMED