Rookie used to have this great column where they would review real people, so that’s what we’re going to do today.
BABY EATING A PENCIL AT CHURCH---> 5 stars
Top baby points for toothy grinning, eraser chewing, and just starting to figure out how to wave at people
NICELY DRESSED LADY AT THE MT AIRY CONTRA DANCE—>4.5 stars
Taught me to lean back while swinging, didn’t seem to mind my discomfort with extended eye contact
THAT ONE GUY AT THE SAME CONTRA DANCE WHO SAID, “THERE’S A LOT OF NEW PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT’ REAL LOUDLY --> 3 stars
I mean, I get it
MY SO-CALLED “DICKENS” “PROFESSOR” WHO INEXPLICABLY PREFERRED A TALE OF TWO CITIES TO BLEAK HOUSE -2 stars
He didn’t like Esther as a narrator??
was also constantly on my back about mixing metaphors
well, Look at Me NOw
GUY AT MY COLLEGE PARTY WHO, AFTER SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY KICKED A BEER ONTO MY HEAD FROM THE STAIRWELL WHILE I WAS WORKING THE CHECK IN DESK (IT WAS QUAKER COLLEGE), ASKED ME HOW I WAS, LISTENED TO ME COMPLAIN, AND OFFERED TO GET ME WATER—>5 stars
the kind of person who’s so nice they make you feel guilty for wasting time being mad at things like getting beer in your hair, instead of, like, income inequality
I hope that guy has a great life