acceptable forms of marriage

There’s rather a lot of marrying going on these days, and so we would just like to clear up a few things before we continue!

We know some of you have got some forward-thinking ideas about marriage, but you have to understand that there is tradition to think of, and elderly people, and such. 

Please do not attempt to get married unless your marriage matches one of the descriptions below! If not, we will be forced to Express our Concern!

• Marriage is between a brooding older man from the North of England and the ghost of his late wife's sister.

• Marriage is between Paul Hollywood and a perfectly baked brioche.

• Marriage is between J. Jonah Jameson, and pictures - pictures of Spider-Man.

• Marriage is between spaghetti sauce and whatever damn white shirt I'm wearing.

• Marriage is between a coconut and a swallow.  

• Marriage is between Jesus and the log in your eye.

• Marriage is between Time and Fate, and sometimes the Moon. 

Are we all cleared up? Wonderful. Carry on.