A User’s Guide to Middle Class Towels
Nice Cloth Napkins
classy, eco-friendly, communicates domesticity
perpetually wrinkled
TIP: for efficiency, instead of actually ironing, just set them out for guests with the caveat “sorry these aren’t ironed’ or “I need to iron these”, etc.
Hand Towels
found in the kitchen, usually hanging over the oven handle or tastefully arranged in a basket
for your grubby, disgusting rodent hands
Note that kitchen bath towels have a different texture and mouthfeel to bathroom bath towels
Dish Towels
indistinguishable from hand towels
NOTE: this is a danger zone
you WILL be admonished for using the wrong towels
just use your intuition, you will be right at l
east 40% of the time
Wiping-Surfaces Towels, aka rags
indistinguishable from dish towels
NOTE: distinction remains critically important to avoid cross contamination and/or social embarrassment
hardest working towels in the house, putting every other towel to shame
Old Jeans Cut Haphazardly Into Rags
“jags”, if you will (aka jean rags)
pitiful absorption power
abominations, abhorred by God
Bath Towels
largely self-explanatory
NOTE: that homes vary in towel etiquette
E.g. do you share towels or not, where do you put the towel once it’s used, etc
if you are a guest, tread lightly, possible danger zone here
Beach Towels
indistinguishable from bath towels
nothing to be done about this but to accept that you will bring the wrong towel to the beach, consistently, for the rest of your hopefully long and fulfilling life
Bath “Sheets”
MOST preferable drying option by far
Luxury on par with Olympian hospitality
Rare item - obtainable only via housewarming parties or wedding registries