NOVEMBER 24, 2023 --- A recent study out of the University of Springfield has found that a whopping 73% of American aunts believe that you should get a cast iron pan.
“Through a series of interviews and comprehensive surveys, we found that the majority of aunts strongly recommend that you, specifically, buy a cast iron pan, regardless of your diet, income, lifestyle, or ability to cook,” said Dr. Emily Bast, head of Springfield’s Extended Family Department. “This indicates a remarkable level of consensus among the aunts, seen we’ve never seen before on any other issue.”
The researchers found that the recommendation for you to buy a cast iron pan remained consistent across political and religious lines. Aunts living in rural areas, however, were, on average, slightly more likely to recommend that you get a cast iron pan than city aunts. Aunts living in Vermont were nearly twice as likely to recommend that you get a cast iron pan as aunts living in California.
When asked explain their enthusiastic recommendation, the aunts cited a number of compelling reasons:
“They’re so easy to use,” says Aunt Linda of Greenvale, Maine. “All you have to do is oil it five or six times a day for thirty minutes, and then you’re good to go.”
Aunt Penny of Thatch, Nebraska says: “I use mine all the time - you’ll love it. It is not that hard to clean, stop saying that! You just have to make sure it doesn’t touch any soap, water, or room temperature air. Easy!”
“Cast iron is so versatile,” says Aunt Cathy of Ashville, Utah. “They’re great for everything - skirt steak, T-bone, filet mignon, you name it.” Upon being reminded that you are vegetarian, Aunt Cathy added, “Oh yes, well. I suppose you could use it to make beans or something.”
Aunt Vivian of Richmond, Virginia says, “Would you consider at least buying it for home defense? I worry about you sometimes.”
As of publication, Aunt Vivian has actually just gone ahead and ordered you one - it’s in the mail on its way to you right now!